Attack of the Kyons
by Typewriterman
Summary: So we have a time traveler, an alien and an ESPer, all of whom are seeking some sort of answer out of Haruhi...of course there's me, but I'm an ordinary human with no extraordinary traits. Why then, do all the weird things always happen to me? Complete
1. Prologue

Do you like the pun? Huh? Do you?

* * *

**Prologue.**

-

"Sometimes I want to see you as a girl, Kyon…"

That worthless babble was more or less the norm if it was coming from _her _mouth. In fact, I've often found a queer sense of relief whenever she made one of those statements. Not that I wouldn't rather want her to act "normal", no.

I mean, it's either deal with the crap that escapes from the enigmatic confines of her mind with the glorious tactic of ignoring her, or Haruhi Suzumiya creates an abysmal situation that only _she _would find interesting.

Yeah.

Thousands of years ago, when Daedalus and his son molded wings using wax and feathers to escape from Crete, I wouldn't be too surprised to see Haruhi tailgating after Icarus with wings of her own into the sky with a wide and stupid smile on her face. Then again, to see her covered in melted wax…

…crap, where was I going with that, anyway?

Her brazen and outrageous remarks are what make Haruhi, Haruhi. But that's beside the point.

As I find myself haggardly lifting each dead weight that I call a leg up the stairs of my house, I pant in joy and beam over what I was able to overcome when I reach the top.

When I compare the types of activities we went through, and who was the one hollering at us to keep going, I think Mr. Balboa had it easy.

I never thought my bed could ever look so inviting as I stumble my way across the short distance of wooden floor to my room. That was when a rapid succession of light thumps caught my attention, and without a chance, I was tackled to my stomach by my "dear" little sister.

"Hi, Kyon!!" she giggled and squealed as I groaned from the floor's impact to my already weary body. Besides, can't you call me "Onii-san" at least once more before I die here where I lay?

Her petite button nose sniffs suddenly, and I can just sense her face cringing by the way her helium enriched-like voice groaned in disgust. "Eww, Kyon! You stink!" Without hearing any term of endearment from the girl, I finally manage out a proper breath as she stood up and rushed downstairs with a giggle echoing throughout the house. "Kyon's stinky! Kyon's stinky!"

If it weren't for those particular lyrics, I'd actually enjoy the tune to which she sang her declaration toward her unseen audience.

Turning over onto my back to allow for better ease of breathing, I stared up into the ceiling for a moment. The whitish texture flowed about in swirls and waves from following the brush strokes and paint rollers of whoever the painter was.

If it wasn't a school day, then more often than not, I was usually on duty with Haruhi's self appointed SOS Brigade. Even with regular after-school meetings in a classroom that was once the Literature Club's room—to which we've more than filled with junk and miscellaneous paraphernalia that Haruhi probably finds on the street somewhere—that girl would call us out to what I've termed as "Field Trips".

Essentially forays outside of school to appease her taste for "interesting things". It's an expensive taste.

Today's menu included a trip to the ravine, where Haruhi wanted to pan for gold.

"Every club needs funds, and we've yet to have the school give us any! Because of that, we're forced to find our own way to fundraise!" was the girl's explanation of her half-baked plan. I bet we would've gone looking for sunken treasure off the shore, if it were possible.

Despite Koizumi's attempts to curb her enthusiasm toward patience for the next school break, Haruhi insisted that this was "one of those things that couldn't wait." In the end, though, we hadn't found any gold, we were almost caught by an officer for wading about in the cold water, and I managed to go for an impromptu swim in the ankle-deep ravine in order to save Ms. Asahina from falling. Really, not a very "productive" gold search at all.

"Sometimes I want to see you as a girl, Kyon…" was what Haruhi said with a sigh. Koizumi was the one who assisted me out of the water, placing his hands who-knows-where, while the brown haired girl looked at me with an essence of disappointment. Rolling those elusive and ambiguous eyes as if some dastardly plan of hers was foiled, Haruhi had called off the Gold Panning Expedition for the day.

Honestly, I don't know _what _goes through her mind, sometimes!

The cottony feel of the towel against the nape of my neck is much better than the wrinkled and dirty feel of my shirt collar. The hot water bath I had just minutes ago melted away any retained anguish from the day's events. Tossing the stained and smelly polo shirt and pants into the laundry bin, I make my way back to my room to change into my house clothes.

I pretty much follow a normal schedule all the way to my bed time. Dinner with the family, homework, and some reading; it's as if none of the day's events mattered at all. Well, okay, my body was sore from exertion because of the hard labor, but that wasn't such a big problem.

Already in my pajamas, I fight off my fatigue with lesser and lesser success, just barely flicking off the light switch in my room just before closing the door. Heck, I'm just too tired to wait for my eyes to adjust, but I don't fear bumping my toe against anything tonight. My valiant courage is award with the soft feel of my bed brushing against the blind swipes of my hand, clawing through the darkness like a feeble old zombie.

Climbing into bed, my haggard eyelids shut…only to shoot open with the sound of ringing.

Then again, it wouldn't feel so much as a regular day without the unexpected late night phone call. I know, I know, that makes just as much sense as most webcomic plots. After stumbling over to my side table, realizing that for some reason the phone was out of my normal arm's reach, my hand bumbles about until it feels the porcelain-esque feel of the cordless device blipping with light at regular intervals.

Picking up the receiver to the house phone, I hear shuffling on the other line. "Kyon! It's for me!" my sister's high pitched voice echoes into my ear. With a flinch, I hang up the phone and stagger to back to my bed, half deaf and fully engaged to the idea of sleep now.

Still, it was a bit strange how eager I was to grab at the phone just then. If I were so tired, why would I jump at the chance to take the call even after realizing how troublesome it would be? If it were Haruhi or any of the others, they probably would've called my cell phone, not my home phone.

And while I'm at it, since when had my little sister been so popular? I only hope that she doesn't grow up to be the type of girl that attracts guys like Taniguchi…

…great, now I'm probably going to have nightmares because of that thought…

…that's enough of sleep deprived philosophizing for one night…

My comforter envelops me in warmth as my eyes close for the second time, easing away my previous thoughts as well as distracting me from the imposing idea that school would start again when I woke up in the morning.

-

A single kick to my side knocks me into consciousness from whatever forgetful reverie that had been playing through my head. If I had any luck at all—which would mean this could only be something to wish for—I was probably dreaming about Mikiru, and how I saved her from being used as a sexual object to bring Haruhi's plans regarding the Computer Club's resources to fruition.

Indeed, a pure conscience knows not the passage of ti-

-Damn it! I thought I was past having my little sister violently waking me up like this! Mumbling with predictable frustration, I take a quick glance with blurry and drowsy eyes to the clock adorning the wall above my door. What the? Five thir-

"Ow!" I experience a third blunt force to my shin and…wait…that was _inside _my bedcovers…

I roll my head over atop my surely-_not-_drool-drenched pillow and take a hefty breath of air. Yup. I succeed in breathing. (Go me?). That little ogre of a sister is definitely not jumping all over me, especially not at five in the morning. What's more, now that I think of it…I can feel someone in the bed with me.

I'd normally attribute these strange occurrences to being a dream, but seeing as I've been kicked at least more than twice already, that would more than count as cheek-pinch test, wouldn't you say?

Alright…the moment of truth has come. I carefully move my hand up the bed, careful not to wake the stranger sleeping beside me, in case it were a certain blue haired knife wielding crazy come back from Canada to finish the job she started.

I doubt this is as strenuous as taking a golden idol off of a trap-activating retractable pedestal, but honestly, I almost broke a sweat from carefully bringing my arm to deftly hold onto the hem of my comforter. Slowly, my arm—upturned so as to not brush over toward the other side of the bed—is trembling slightly from the awkward angle it is forced to move in, something that I finally figured out what pull-up motions in P.E. class are good for.

A mass of brown hair is what greets my already awakened self, as a slow tap of adrenaline is all that's kept me going now, and will hopefully keep my empty stomach from growling loudly. I can already tell that the small form isn't my sister. For one thing, she doesn't have as bountiful an amount of hair as the still faceless intruder does, and another is that my sister definitely doesn't wear a negligee to bed.

Suddenly, the girl lying next to me turns over with a grumbling sigh, complaining about it suddenly being cold in-between mumbles. Still, far be it for me to be an expert on the subject, despite my experience with time travelers, aliens, and even ESPers, but…

"No…no, no….no way…"

I really have no other way to describe my surprise!

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Really now, if one were to take a visit to my profile, it's quite obvious what I'm aiming for...

But really, there's a whole slew of reasons why I'm doing this. First off, is when I came across the idea in Baka-Tsuki, which of course was repeated in the SOS Wiki. Turns out it all spawned from the Animesuki forums, and of course, a writer or two from this very website had gotten on the bandwagon (whether they had known about the movement or not).

Still, I hope to be able to bring about a good story; don't be afraid to criticize content-wise (I often forgo formatting problems on account of fanfic (dot) net's need to forget underlining and group together italicized words...

_**...legalities...**_

-The idea has been spurned from above sources, as well as contemplation of my own boredom/Finals stressed mind  
-The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is written by Nagaru Tanigawa


	2. Diagnosis

Thank you for your patronage.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

-

Glancing at the screen of my cell phone, I observe it to be-

"It's nearly six thirty, now." The female voice sleepily announces from right behind me. Draped in a green winter jacket that was too large for her smaller form, my doppelganger shuffled about to nestle her watch-arm back into the warm confines of the jacket pocket.

Yeah, yeah…thanks.

She mumbles something back in response, holding on through the jacket for dear life as the both of us continue on our journey in the brisk morning weather down the street. The constant clacking of the bike chain is driven by my constant pedaling, currently aiming the bicycle in the direction of an apartment complex about a block from our current position. I say "we" because there is a small girl riding on the otherwise empty basket space behind my seat.

I also say "we" because strangely enough, she is well…me…I don't know have a full way to explain it. It just feels that way. I mean, turning over in bed this morning, I guess you could say it was like looking into a funhouse mirror that displayed a distorted reflection of your self. Surely, you know that you don't look like that, but you know that it's still you somehow.

I hope you can understand that analogy…it took me a bit of thinking to mesh up something philosophical about a scientific impossibility that clashes against common sense. I'm not Koizumi, you know.

I don't feel like explaining the whole traumatizing experience either since frankly, it was really, _really_ embarrassing for the both of us or, me…? Forget it.

So, long story short, after substantially testing each other's identities through a series of quizzes:  
1) we found that our names were oddly exact (thanks mom and dad for choosing such an ambiguous given name for your first born child);  
2) we noticed that though our timelines were very well in-synch up to this point, they were strikingly different in context because of our genders ("sexual equality", my ass)  
3) Actually, everyone's gender seemed to be the polar opposite of what it was in this reality.

One of two very distinct common traits that we both had was that upon realizing a strange happening, it was quite obvious to think of a certain person who was related. What we couldn't figure out though was, whether our dear Suzumiya was directly or indirectly responsible for it.

One thing's for sure; we both immediately came up with the same idea of who to talk to first.

Speaking of which, we've just arrived in front of the glass doors of the building now. Parking my bike at the rack, we both walk up into the first floor lobby of the apartment, and I instantly buzz the room number of our mutual friend.

"…….." The click of the receiver answers the call.

"It's me."

It's all I have to say before the door is unlocked, enabling me and my doppelganger to head toward the elevator.

"Could you please use my name? How do you know that you're not _my _doppelganger, huh?"

Listen, my dimension, my reality, okay? If I ever find myself in your dimension, feel free to return the favor.

"Whatever…"

As she shakes her head at my response, we both arrive in front of the apartment door. It isn't much of a wait after I clack the door knocker nearby the eye-hole when it opens.

"…….."

Even this early in the morning, the small and inconspicuous girl looks very much the same as she would at noon or even midnight. Always dressed in the North High School uniform and not looking haggard from fatigue, she would very well be quite suited to quietly making her rounds as a janitor who protected the aristocrats and elites of ancient Rome.

Not budging from her spot that blocked the open space created by the half opened door, an entirety of a single blink is what it took for her to stare me down in as effective a manner as a Drill Instructor would take to berate marines at Parris Island.

I really hope she's not angry at me for disturbing her this early in the morning. "Hey there, Nagato." I offer in an attempt to break the uneasy silence.

"….enter." Her invitation was aimed toward my smaller counterpart with the smallest and near-impossible hint of irritation in her voice, as the host of this impromptu visitation slipped away to open the door further. Did I actually make her angry?

"Even aliens desire their beauty rest, you know…" that dastard doppelganger of mine yawned again, leading the expedition inward to the barren flat summit of this Mt. Nagato. In fact, it feels a bit colder as a chill creeps up my spine.

The large domicile that could very well be a single cell in an alien hive is very Spartan in furnishing. A single table where the existence of aliens and the very strangeness of Haruhi Suzumiya were revealed to me is just ahead, while a towering shelf full of books adorns an otherwise plain white wall. The apartment itself was large enough for a whole family and their family pet, but was reserved for a single book loving occupant.

Hearing the door close delightfully behind me, I see the still uniformed hostess coast right toward the girl who was more or less equal in terms of height.

"…come." She beckoned her ally in the fairer sex.

I guess it's safe to say you already know what's going on then?

"The Data Integration Thought Entity has been aware of Alternative Differential Counterparts throughout the entirety of its lifespan. However, direct contact had been deemed impossible and inter-dimensional communication has been a responsibility for the humanoid interfaces."

What? So that's what aliens call "sliders"? I didn't really understand the rest of what you said, but now that I think about it, you've been aware of other versions of yourself from previous timelines haven't you? That would mean you've been communicating with other Nagato's from different dimensions as well?

"……" The light haired bibliophile barely shook her head to my barrage of questions.

"In order to separate the cross-temporal link that would prevent the destabilization of the current time line, I was also required to separate the links that connected me to alternate universes as well."

I never knew you had separated yourself to that extent. I vividly remember when you did that, since I was trapped in that weird alternate timeline where there was no S.O.S. Brigade, and I ended up getting stabbed by that psycho Asakura. With your "separating", not only did we avoid your powers overloading the universe to a reset, it ultimately helped lead toward the more independent Nagato that stood before me now.

"Thanks for the nostalgia, _Kyon_. I _really_ needed to remember that bastard Ryou hacking at me with that katana of his."

"…….." heading off to the room where Mikuru and I were once kept in a three year temporal stasis, the girls disappeared behind the sound of a locked door when I began to imagine that Nagato had an infinitesimal number of North High uniforms already prepared.

Maybe a sort of computer program that has an endless stack of clothes materialize within an encompassing white space. And when activated, it rushes in like a bullet train with North High uniforms would be on disply. Okay, I've been watching too many sci-fi movies lately…

"So, what do you think?"

I hadn't even heard the door open up again as the two girls' movements caught the corner of my eye.

The quiet girl stood quietly, as my Alternating Different What-chu-ma-call-it seemed much more comfortable and relieved to be dressed in the female North High uniform rather than a pair of my jogging pants and a polo shirt. Actually, she was basically sporting the exact same thing Nagato was, even the blue jacket.

But what…what's with that hair style? Somebody kill me now, I don't need these kinds of thoughts running in my head! Actually, forget that. I don't want a certain knife-happy girl to come back from Canada.

"What are you rambling on about? You should know that I like ponytails, remember?" she quaintly reminded me of my own preferences as though I had forgotten.

"…….." with a surprisingly empathetic mind that would make Mother Theresa proud, Nagato gave a timely interrupting step into this dizzyingly growing Freudian situation. "An anomaly had occurred as recently as a few hours ago, concerning your Counterpart breaching this reality for unknown reasons."

Or maybe it was just a coincidence this time.

Anyways, getting to school would have to be the priority now, since at least some of my questions at the moment have been answered. Even more pressing however, is how to deal with little Ms. _Kyonko_ here.

At least this should be a bit more believable to Tsuryua-san than having Asahina-san's estranged twin sister drop in for a visit, right? I can't help but smirk, since my other self has already realized what I have in mind for her accomadations.

Unless you're willing to stay at Nagato's place, instead of a fabulous mansion? I glance to the once bespectacled girl in question to see what her opinion on the matter was. "…….."

"Maybe you can do some studies on her, try to figure out why my Alternate…person is here in the first place." I try suggesting.

She turned the aim of her glossy eyes and stared at her fashion-twin, not even blinking or probably even breathing for a short moment. The other girl is of course taken back for a moment, but it seems her experience with her own Nagato had her easily adjust with the alien's strange behavior.

With a single blink, the immovable statue seemed to have returned from her daydreaming. "The scan is complete."

As expected, unnecessarily fast. So, what's the diagnosis, Doctor Nagato?

"…….." Her glance turned against me now, which is more than enough for me to see that I'm not privy to know for unmentioned reasons at the moment.

Hmmm. I wonder if she would ever be willing to say "Classified Information"?

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Thank you, thank you for the readins!!

I just wonder what's up with the underlining function...why's it gotta be broke!?

Haven't been particularly up to date with my own fanfiction, whether writing or reading, since I've got so many other time wasters like online RPs and other personal stuff...like GTA IV...Anyways, Mr. CJ, your "Flipswitch" continues to amaze me on its original tone.

_**...legalities...**_

-The idea has been spurned from many sources, as well as contemplation of my own boredom/job searching stressed mind  
-The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is written by Nagaru Tanigawa  
-Advertising other people's fanfiction is my own unprompted decision...hint hint


	3. Inside Joke

Please R & R  
**

* * *

Chapter 2**

-

"So she's your…'cousin', huh?"

With a cool and quiet gaze, Haruhi's hazel eyes fell upon the brunette girl standing at the other side of the Commander's desk like a police superintendent berating one of his officers. With a mixture of 'hmms' and huffs, the Brigade Chief proceeded to look between the both of us for some kind of resemblance.

Well then again, our shared bored expressions that had adorned our faces would have made us looked more like brother and sister, had it not been established that that was an impossibility since Haruhi and my little sister had already been introduced.

Following a sudden squeak of metal chair legs against the floor and a quick succession of clacks, blur suddenly escaped from behind the desk, and Superintendent Suzumiya's pursed lips let out a soft growl as she inspected my Doppelganger even closer. In fact, it was a little _too_ close, if you ask me.

With the ensuing staring contest haven been won—by Haruhi, no less—said girl took that as permission to suddenly grab little-me's ponytail, much to my Doppelganger's obvious discomfort.

Hey now, what's the meaning of that?

I furrow my eyebrows in protest and was just about to tell her to stop when as quickly as she began, Haruhi glanced my way. Seeing my disapproval, she reluctantly released her grip with an "hmph", and twirled the poor smaller brunette around to face toward the window.

"Number 3, what do you think?" Haruhi sought out advice from the seated Nagato, who took the effort to mark what page she was reading by placing her hand on it before looking up toward Haruhi.

I think it's easy to guess who Number 2 would be in Haruhi's hierarchy, leaving me to question where exactly I would fit in.

"…"

O-ok, Nagato, you can stop looking at me…l-look at Haruhi! Haruhi!

Before Haruhi had a chance to turn her head to follow where Nagato's eyes were aimed at and see me frantically waving about like an idiot, she received quite a startling response.

"A thumbs up? You're sure about that?" Haruhi didn't even try to hide her disappointment at her Number 3's decision, but the quiet girl's head nod seemed to have won her over. "Alright, if you say so, Yuki…" And with a shrug, Haruhi had wrapped her arm around the smaller girl and walked her toward the opposite corner of the room, out of my hearing range.

After what was only a minute or two of hunched whispers between the two girls, which contained a few surprised gasps and a glance or two toward me from over their shoulders, their, what I would like to call a "pep talk" broke with Haruhi returning to the other side of the desk, and like a magician, promptly made her book bag appear from under it.

"You're leaving?" Ms. Asahina asked plainly, holding her tea tray oh-so-close to her chest. "But you haven't even had your tea yet."

"Oh yeah." Haruhi said with wonder, looking at the tea cup, its liquid contents probably cool by now, sitting splendidly on its coaster atop the desk. In a single motion, the Oolong tea that Ms. Asahina had spent since the end of school to brew multiple times, was taken in one gulp, though at least to a satisfied sigh. After placing the cup back onto the table, Haruhi picked up her bag to leave. "Remember that there's a test next week, Kyon." She took the effort to specifically remind me. "I can't have any of my Brigade members doing poorly on it, alright Kyon?"

Sure, sure.

Before disappearing out behind the door, Haruhi turned around with a look of concern on her face. "And make sure that he studies and report to me immediately if you catch him goofing off, understand, Number 4?"

"Roger!" the ponytailed girl dutifully saluted to Haruhi's approval. Sharing some sort of inside joke, Haruhi closed the door behind her in smiles while leaving me as lost as if I were told to sit in the corner of a circle.

Wait, wait, even more importantly…was I just demoted or something?

"What did you two talk about?" I asked my smaller pig-tailed self, who at this moment did not feel incline to answer me.

"I'm sorry, but that's a secret between us girls." She whispered back in the same—albeit female version of my—speech pattern.

Well played, Doppelganger…well played.

She offered a teasing grin back at me as Mikuru approached the both of us. "Um, if you wouldn't mind, could you leave the room so I can change?"

"Of course." I nodded my head at her polite request and headed out the door with my cup of tea in tow. I only had to spend a few minutes in the hallway before I was allowed in again. But then again, it felt more like a few seconds as I had the opportunity to enjoy some of Mikuru's deliciously brewed tea while waiting.

We spent the next half hour pretty much sitting around, waiting for who-knows-what. Mikuru had to leave as soon as she did because she too had tests coming, up, but being that she was our senior—to which is really an amazing thing since her face just makes her seem younger than us—they actually had their block of exams this week, leaving next week—when my grade's tests occurred—as a sort of break for them.

But more importantly, I was curious as to why she didn't have her own questions to ask my Doppelganger…unless they spoke while I was outside of the room. It did seem like she took a bit longer to change than she normally did…

Nonetheless, like always, Nagato's packing up marked the SOS Brigade's official close for the day, something that Kyonko—that's apparently what she's called in her dimension—seems all too familiar in doing from her own universe.

Exiting the building while flanked by two identically dressed girls on either side of me, we had not even walked past the school gates when we came across Koizumi. Though without his backpack, he was still dressed in his school uniform. I was wondering why he wasn't in the clubroom today, and I didn't hear that he skipped any of his classes either.

"Sorry for not being able to attend club today." Koizumi gave a weak smile. "There was something that took my immediate attention. You know what I mean." It was obvious that he meant The Agency, but it seemed to make it a point that to act ambiguous even when there was no need for it.

Without skipping a beat, the partially fatigued pretty boy looked over toward the pigtailed girl standing next to me. "Ah, now I understand." He nodded enthusiastically as he patted his closed right hand against his open left palm.

What do you understand?

"But to be honest, I'm surprised. I would have thought that Ms. Suzumiya would have ended the world when she found out that you had found a girlfriend."

No, it seems that you _don't_ understand after all.

"I'm kidding, of course."

I highly doubt it.

"But in any case, I'm very much surprised." Koizumi tacked on, looking back toward me after exchanging pleasantries with my Doppelganger and Nagato first. "It seems that Ms. Suzumiya's wish came true after all; though I can't think up any reason for summoning _her_ rather than changing simply changing your gender, instead. Perhaps Ms. Suzumiya's common sense is just much stronger than we think." Pausing to think, he chuckled and shrugged with slight embarrassment.

"Oh, it seems that I've just answered my own question." Smiling a bit more now, Koizumi tilted his head as though what he had just told me was water cooler talk.

Wait, wait wait! Back up, rewind, and repeat that last part, Koizumi!

"I don't remember Haruhi making a wish to turn me into a girl! I-" Before I had the chance to finish that statement, the memory hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyebrows furrowed, and before I knew it, my head whipped toward my Doppelganger to find that she did the same toward me—surprised facial expression and all, no less.

Looking back, I only thought it was her usual crazy babble at the time, but it's beginning to make sense now. It was when we went to 'pan for gold' that Mikuru somehow lost her footing on a wet rock, which ended up with me taking a fall into the water as well.

"The ravine!" we say simultaneously. It seems that even our reaction at that strange coincidence happened at the same time. "Okay, that was creepy." Damn it, not again!

The sound of Koizumi's laughter manages to break the standoff, giving way to an even bigger smile that showed off a hint of his white teeth. "I'm sorry for laughing, but I couldn't help but find this funny."

Geez he can be annoying. I ended up grabbing his tie from irritation, hoping now that he'll get the point.

"I didn't mean any harm." Without resisting or struggling, the esper raised his hands in a surrendering gesture and took a very non-aggressive stance. "Really, I didn't."

Suddenly I hear a muffled gasp escape from the small girl standing nearby. Looking over, I see her pinching her nose for some reason; her eyes became haggard while her face has reddened.

"What's wrong, are you ok?" My concern makes me forget that I'm still holding onto Koizumi's tie very tightly.

"…" Refusing to answer at first, the small brunette girl looked away as though it were something embarrassing. "Y-you wouldn't understand a girl's heart…" she gave an enigmatic answer in a soft, sheepish voice, which seemed to please Koizumi as he chuckled as if he was in on the inside joke.

The light tug of his tie finally prompted me to let go, allowing Koizumi to walk over to Kyonko to hand her his handkerchief.

"I'll be alright…" I hear a sniffle. "…just…just give me some time to recover…" With gasps and a sporadic sniffle, she sounded like an Olympic marathon runner with a cold. I assumed that Koizumi only continued to smile, not elaborating on what was going on as his back hid my view of my Doppelganger dabbing her nose with the handkerchief.

Confused I look toward the blank faced Nagato to find her giving me a thumb's up, now.

Seriously, I don't get it at all.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Well, it's been a while since I upload anything at all, especially this story. Anyways, in celebration for the long awaited second season, I've decided to write a new chapter to continue the story of a young man and his dog. Or at least I _think_ that's what this story is about...

_**...legalities...**_

-The idea has been spurned from many sources, as well as contemplation of my own boredom/job searching stressed mind  
-The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is written by Nagaru Tanigawa


	4. Late

It's been a megas long time since I updated, huh?

* * *

**Chapter 3**

-

To be perfectly honest, I can never cease to be amazed by the extravagance that some people in the world live. It's even more awe inspiring when you know one of those people first hand.

With that said, I'd like to segway to the fact that I once again stood in the wide entrance hall of the Tsuruya manor. Not since the time I helped Ms. Asahina's "relative" have I found myself gawking at this opulence, for pretty much the same reason (though slightly more believable this time around).

I had to work extra hard not to call the butler who let me in "Sebastian" for fear that that was his actual name.

"Any luck?" called out a small girl from the flight above me.

I gave a relieved sigh when my eyes immediately focused on her hair, which was let down—and since I've never noticed before was quite long, if I had to add—but couldn't help but crack a grin when I noticed what she was wearing. No longer wearing the girl's North High school uniform and accompanying cardigan borrowed from Nagato, the brunette had instead a yellow shirt and jogging pants, both part of a set as they each had a picture of a cartoony bear stitched on.

Might I also add that what she wore was actually from my little sister's closet, which was a birthday present from my Aunt Sayoko who tended to send us oversized clothing, but always cited the fact that we would eventually "grow into them".

"Can't say I do" I answer with a shrug, not really sure how I'm supposed to find a way to send my Doppelganger back to her world. At least we've established why she's appeared in the first place.

If you didn't realize by now, it was Haruhi's doing.

"The closest I got about sliders was an old American TV show. Everything else I found online was either a baseball term, type of sandwich or something about computers."

Maybe if we had a Stargate…

"Oh, Kyon, what are you doing here so early?" With a sleepy voice, the lady of the manor appeared at the banister looking down into the entrance hall where my Doppelganger and I stood.

"I just came to check up on my cousin before school started." I answered with embarrassment in my voice, as I didn't realize that Tsuruya herself was not up yet.

"No problem, no problem." She waved it off in a casual manner, rubbing her eyes and seeming to be more awake already. "I was just taking a nap after my morning exercises."

I can't really respond to that with anything other than an "oh" before Tsuruya disappeared from view, probably to get dressed or get some more sleep. There was at least an hour before school.

With really nothing else left to do except to wait for something to happen, since neither of us had been able to come up with any clues to solve our predicament, I ended up at the library for an hour and a half yesterday looking through books and going online to find anything pertaining to our situation.

I say "us" because neither Koizumi Ms. Asahina nor Nagato was interested/willing to help out at all. In fact, they haven't even come forward to even mention it, now that I think back…

"Will you be okay with hanging around here for a bit more?" I ask my counterpart my sincere question for the day.

"I'm pretty sure I can manage." She raised an eyebrow at the sudden title change, but chose not to pursue the conversation after it. "Tsuruya's been kind enough to lend me some of her old textbooks to read from.

Despite all that's happened, I'm surprised that she's still willing to study for the upcoming exams…which I've sort of neglected because of all of the research that I've been doing.

Being that she wasn't a student per se (at least in _this_ universe) there would be no way to sneak Kyonko, as she was so aptly named by her little brother, into the school during class hours.

Of course, it would be a different story for after school, since the teachers' attention would be much looser, and it helped since she had her own uniform set handy.

Saying our farewells for now, I took off for school, riding my bike for good measure from the Tsuruya manor after politely turning down the offer of being driven there by the butler.

Of course, it wasn't until I was dragging myself up the steep hill after passing by my house because I forgot my study materials that I realized that it was true what they say: hindsight really is 20/20.

This is more or less reinforced when I got a sudden slap in the back by whom else but Taniguchi, whose gelled back hair makes me glad that I was born with a messy, low maintenance mop top for hair.

"So, how are things with Suzumiya and her bunch?" He asks the same question he did yesterday and the day before.

"Same old, same old."

--

Class had to have been an extra special helping of boring today, as I already find myself in the classroom now known as the SOS Brigade Headquarters.

Though lunch was slightly more memorable, it wasn't because of any particular event. I had actually managed to sneak a few bits of food from Tsuruya's fridge when I went over in the morning, with some inside help, of course.

…but back to present events.

I could technically say that I was playing chess with Koizumi at the time, even though I was sitting a few feet away at the computer, checking on the Brigade website that had a surprising hit count for the week; twelve.

Looks like that Computer Research Society President still thinks that he'll be able to reclaim his computer should he find proof that we weren't using it, and would probably cite our barebones website as evidence should he ever notice a lack of updates. As some cruel joke, I've found myself obsessed with tweaking the smallest things on the site to keep the "Last Updated" changing.

I know, I'm terrible.

"I wouldn't say that." My counterpart spoke out as Koizumi moved his rook to threaten her bishop. Her hair, once again tied in a ponytail, was draped over her chair as she hunched and stared at the bored thoughtfully. "Haruhiko's got the girls from the Computer Society in my Universe updating the site _for _him..." With a reluctant smirk, she moved one of her pawns to block Koizumi's rook. "_That's_ pretty sad, if you ask me."

I can bet that there would be a few feminists willing to send some angry emails to Alternate-Universe-Haruhi for that level of misogyny, or at least it could be if they were willing to believe this situation in the first place.

With a strange sense of timing, that was when Haruhi burst into the room with a smile on her face and papers in her hand.

"We won!" was all that came out of her mouth for the first few moments. Her tone of voice was definitely cheerful, jubilant even, while she paraded around the room and repeated her mantra as if it were her catchphrase. "We won, we won!"

Maybe that's her impersonation of a parrot with a lottery ticket?

"Geez Kyon, this is serious business! Could you _try_ to pay attention when I talk?" Haruhi admonished me, shoving the set of papers into my face like she was trying to rub the words onto my cheek.

"I mean that the Student Council finally gave into my demands and gave the SOS Brigade an allowance from the club budget!"

If I had to hazard a guess, that fake Student Council President was responsible for this, probably as ordered by The Agency and Koizumi knew the whole time. Or perhaps that cigarette loving bastard was unknowingly prodded by Emiri Kimidori, though I doubt that Nagato would be able to back up my hypothesis.

Still, I was more than happy to take the sheets that were forced upon me from Haruhi's hands, anything to get me out of that uncomfortable position.

Quite surprised from the news, I couldn't help but look over the slightly crumpled papers—documents, actually—that proved Haruhi's claim. They were definitely the forms that approved a club's budget, which was a bit strange since the SOS Brigade was technically not a club in the first place.

"Haruhi, this is a budget approval for the Literature Club." I furrowed my eyebrows after scanning through the wording.

"Which is part of the SOS Brigade!" she so haughtily declared against my clarification.

You mean which has been currently leeched off of by the SOS Brigade…

"The point is that the Student Council has finally recognized the SOS Brigade's importance in this school! So in other words, we won! Look, they even pre-approved money to us for our activities!"

It's scary that she hasn't even denied anything yet.

My eyes followed to where her finger pointed to find an underlined set of numbers that were written in, which poked at my memory since they looked eerily familiar.

"This is for the printing costs for that newsletter that we did…for the Literature Club…"

Of course, my sound logic and evidence was ignored while Haruhi had diverted her attention toward Koizumi, who was currently fulfilling his role as the Number 2 in the Brigade by being the kiss-ass that he was.

Nagato herself hadn't really cared about all of this, instead keeping her focus on her latest tome while sitting in her usual corner while Mikuru simply congratulated Haruhi, most likely not fully aware of what the occasion was since she was busy making tea earlier.

At the very least my counterpart looked at my direction and gave a sympathetic shrug of her shoulders, which I found very comforting since she of all people would know my pain.

With Haruhi in good spirits, the Brigade was sent home early that day as a reward for all of our hard work.

--

The next day after school, my counterpart and I were coming back from the Student Council meeting, since who else but me would be elected as the Brigade's "Ambassador", as made possible with the red armband that said so firmly shoved into my pants pocket, hopefully to never see the light of day whenever I'm out in public.

My counterpart was with me for her to gain experience, since she was apparently the most recently recruited member.

Like all the instances in my life, things happen when I least expected it.

While walking in the hallway of the old Arts Building, I suddenly found myself swerving to the left after being shoved out of the way by someone behind me.

Barely able to regain my footing, I spun around to face against my aggressor thinking it was Taniguchi only to find a complete stranger standing before me.

"Oh, sorry about that…" The apology was a bit rushed for my tastes, and his attention was partially stolen by something down the hall as his eyes continually flickered between me and whatever it was. "I thought you were with someone I knew…"

I was barely able to hold back the irritated look on my face despite the apology. Really now, is that how one reacts with innocent bystanders when they see someone they recognize?

However, I thought back to the single fact that with the exception of this rude guy, the only other person in the hallway with me was my counterpart…who had apparently disappeared when I looked toward my left, and I saw only the empty floor space before me and the emptier hall as far as it went.

Looking back toward my right the guy—who had the audacity to wear a hair band to keep his bangs out of his face rather than just comb his hair like a normal person—had disappeared behind the corner at the opposite side of the hallway, probably looking around for whoever it was he knew.

He must have been a freshman, since I didn't recognize him as anyone from my class.

Since the door to the SOS Brigade clubroom was a few feet away, I assumed that my counterpart had headed in without me.

I hope Haruhi doesn't give me a penalty simply for arriving last…

* * *

**Author's Notes:** I'm happy and all that Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody has finally come out, but it's only made the wait for "The Disappearance" arc even more devastating for me.

All in all I'm happy with what I came up with for this chapter, as in my opinion did a lot to link up the random ideas I had for the previous chapters and made for a really nice setup that I have planned for the next chapter. The chapter itself had actually sat around blank for a while, until I heard news that the Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody was actually going to premiere, which lent me some motivation to track exactly how far I've read, since it was a while that the Suzumiya series.

Another thing that finally helped me crank this out was a sudden urge to read fanfiction, which also I haven't done in quite a while, mainly Code Geass until I fell back into reading a few Haruhi fanfics, which I surely am glad that I did read them (and subsequently faved).

_**...legalities...**_

-The idea has been spurned from many sources, as well as contemplation of my own boredom/job searching stressed mind  
-The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is written by Nagaru Tanigawa


	5. Kyon's Melancholy

Can you guess how many chapters this story will be?

* * *

**Chapter 4**

-

I can just imagine the look of confusion on your face: the seeming lack of any plot, the total disregard of story flow like a deranged drunken baby trying to drive a car. Not only is that a completely awkward and disturbing image, but that is pretty much the best way I could describe the inane pace of time as it has happened for me so far.

I mean, I have semester exams coming up, and though as tired as I can be from studying, this just can't be happening.

One minute, I'm coming back from the Student Council meeting as Haruhi's unilaterally elected "Ambassador" with my Doppelganger—or Counterpart, as I've come to call her—and after being shoved to the side by some random student I come to the SOS Brigade room like I always have done, here I am, in a familiar room standing in front of complete strangers, all of whom are staring at me like _I'm_ the one that's lost!

And where the hell did my Counterpart disappear to, anyway?

All of the furniture is the same as I remember it; the large table in the middle of the room with three chairs on either side and the Brigade Chief's desk with the computer Haruhi took from the Computer Research Society at the far end in front of the windows. The laptops were neatly stacked and packed in a box for safe keeping when not in use.

The clothing racks of costumes, the shelves full of things that Haruhi probably finds off of the street and gets on a whim are all there!

However, like a "Spot the differences" brain teaser in a children's book there are three distinctive things that were different from how I remembered it.

Instead of a small, light haired alien girl sitting in the corner as usual reading a book, I find a tall and handsome boy in the usual chair.

Instead of the demure and cute time traveler filling the room with the scent of brewed tea dressed as a warm and inviting maid, I find a young (almost middle school) looking Butler/Host-wannabe glaring toward me with shock in his babyish face.

Instead of a grinning kiss-ass esper sitting at the table with a game of Othello or chess ready to be played, a beautiful long haired girl stood up and approached me as I stood dumbfounded at the doorway, lending a plastic smile as though I had just walked into the girl's bathroom, and she had the cruelest of intentions for my fate for happening in.

I should really be more devastated than I am right now, but I'm not! Has all my time with Haruhi and them and the strange events that have happened to me already raised my standards for me to panic?

"This…_is_ the SOS clubroom, isn't it?" was all I could stammer out with half a breath held in my lungs, as though I wasn't sure myself if I had only accidently opened the wrong door, despite my practice of coming to this room for the past few months and weeks and days out of habit.

She stared at me without saying anything for a moment.

"Hmm, I see…" the beautiful girl simply nodded her head in response to my question, too similar to a certain esper I knew. "This is quite an interesting turn of events." Without elaborating on what she meant, the pretty girl continued to smile, though it was a plastic smile that girls often wore not to hurt the feelings of an awkward confessor.

I can pretty much guess who she's supposed to be.

The long haired brunette offers me a predatory glance in response to my silence. "I suppose you won't be needing introductions then?"

The fact that they were wearing North High uniforms—with exception to the one Butler/Host in a vest, bowtie and slacks—only served to cement the suspicions that my common sense tried so hard to but ultimately failed to suppress.

At this point, I doubt I would need to explain immediately taking the closest chair to sit down as I practically lost the feeling in my legs. The short-statured Host/Butler immediately placed and poured a cup of tea and offered a warm smile that was highly misplaced.

I mean no offense to the guy, but it pretty much caused me to vomit in my mind as my head strained to recover from the sudden dizziness. At the least the tea—which it pains me to say that it is exceptionally brewed well—helped quell the sickness somewhat, though more as a placebo affect than anything substantial.

The girl, who I would hazard a guess to be Koizumi's Counterpart in this universe, took the chair next to me with her elbows placed atop the table. "You're familiar with Newton's Third Law, I hope?"

She doesn't really want me to acclimate does she?

Whatever…I think back since this was something that should be basic knowledge to every student, which surprised me that I wasn't being asked about some obscure theory. "To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, right?"

Despite being focused more with studying for the upcoming exams, I can still remember something that was taught in elementary school.

"Well, not exactly. That's actually a misunderstanding or to be more exact, an incomplete explanation." she smiled to soften the fact that I was wrong, and even went so far as to comb her hair back with her hand as a follow up.

"Consider a mass hanging at the end of a non-stretchable steel cable attached to the ceiling of a laboratory. The mass is pulled towards the Earth—the _action—_by its weight. The corresponding _reaction_ is the gravitational force that mass exerts on the planet: this has nothing to do with the steel cable; in fact, the reaction exists even in the absence of the cable. On the other hand, if the tension in the cable is pulling the mass upwards and preventing it from falling, then the mass is simultaneously pulling on the cable, with equal intensity and opposite direction."

Though as boring as that long explanation was, it seemed that my mind was a bit more forgiving of this Koizumi for reasons that don't necessarily reflect on any potential gender biases. The Host/Butler Asahina however, seemed quite intrigued in the explanation as he sat down to listen after refilling our tea cups.

"The same can be true with our current situation." The female Koizumi paused to take a drink before continuing. "A few days ago, our little Kyonko had disappeared and for all intents and purposes, we found that it wasn't Suzumiya's doing; at least, not _our _Suzumiya."

She took two opposite colored pawns out from the chess set to illustrate her point. It didn't do much to explain what had happened, since all she did was switch the positions that the pawns were on the table and smiled without saying more.

And what do you mean by "For all intents and purposes…?" That's code talk, isn't it? I'm damn sure that she doesn't want to directly mention that it's the Agency that told her this…

"Despite your suspicions, her explanation is correct."

I was very much caught off guard by the soft voice that drew my attention toward my left, and even more surprised that I didn't notice how such a tall guy could creep up on me like that.

"As of three days, sixteen hours, forty six minutes and twenty-two seconds ago, the Data Integration Thought Entity experienced a tremendous collapse of information. Haruhiko Suzumiya was determined not to be the source of the anomaly. In addition, this collapse had not been equivalently substituted until seven minutes and fifty-nine seconds ago."

"What do you been by Equivalent Substitution?"

"Well isn't it obvious at this point?" she gave me a sort of leer and grin combination that could make any man uncomfortable. Aside from that, as forgiving as I was of her behavior at first, I was starting to get irritated as much as I would with the normal Koizumi, if not more so since we're technically not acquainted enough for me to deserve this kind of teasing.

At least not from a girl who could get an A+ from the Taniguchi scale of rating!

"We've tried our best in keeping Haruhiko from getting too frustrated from little Kyonko's disappearance…" Letting out a sigh, this Koizumi tilted her head slightly and made an accompanying shrug of her shoulders. I could only imagine the kind of grief that my counterpart goes through because of this esper girl.

"It was particularly difficult to persuade Haruhiko that she and her family had suddenly gone away for a trip because of a family grievance. We are definitely lucky that he is rational enough to accept our explanation, if begrudgingly. However as a result, my compatriots and I have had to deal with an ever expanding number of large Closed Spaces appearing."

Oh, really now? And how did you explain to my Counterpart's parents about their missing daughter? Or how did you even keep Haruhiko from going to them directly? You recall how suspicious he was when Asakura disappeared, right?

"They are currently in suspended animation in my apartment. Their memories will be adjusted to meet the previously constructed scenario upon Kyonko's return to this Reality."

That's abduction! That's literally an alien abduction that you're done!

"Though I can't say too much, my superiors have generally agreed with the actions that Mr. Nagato and Ms. Koizumi had to take with dealing with this situation; Kyonko's disappearance was really not supposed to happen and was unexpected, so it's caused quite a lot of problems that had to be temporarily dealt with…N-not that I'm blaming her or anything!"

I'm sure that she would be happy that you were worried about her. Unfortunately it's just been a little hard for me to look at this alternate Asahina without being disturbed by the comparisons that I know my mind would make.

"Although it's not my place, I just wish that I could do something to help, too…"

Please don't cry. That's sad! That's definitely sad for a boy your age to do!

"Nonetheless, I find it odd that this could happen in the first place, curious, even." Looking back toward Koizumi, I see her in the trademark pose of resting chin between thumb and index finger, much like the detective in any clichéd mystery story. "Why would one Kyonko be suddenly exchanged for the other? This has caused quite the stir with my superiors as well. "

I don't mean to change the topic, but you meant "Kyon", right? Damn, it seems that even I've been ingrained with this nickname of mine…

"I apologize, but as that you are from the alternate universe, it would be best for all of us if we thought of you as the Counterpart. I mean no offense."

With that disarming smile of yours, I'm pretty sure that you could get away with a lot of things.

"It's never crossed my mind before, but I'll take that into consideration for the future. Rest assured I'm joking, of course."

Ignoring that dangerous comment, I thought back to the conclusion that I had already come to with Kyonko the other day. "Well, it made sense to us, me and Kyonko, I mean, that that was just what Haruhi wished for."

I immediately felt three pairs of eyes settle on me as though I made some terrible faux pas, then a single pair as the alternate Koizumi and Asahina traded glances with each other (as alternate Nagato continued to stare at me as if demanding a clarification).

"What do you mean a wish?" Koizumi asked carefully and purposely.

"By 'a wish' I mean _the_ wish. You know, around the time Asahina slipped in the ravine and I went to help her, I remember Haruhi making a wish about wanting me being a girl."

"Well…" the diminutive Host/Butler began with a shaky voice, as though he were unsure of how I would react. "…I remember falling into the ravine and Kyonko saving me as well, but I don't remember Haruhiko ever making any wish like that."

"What are you talking about? If Haruhi had made a wish in my Universe, surely Haruhiko would've too, wouldn't he? They're alternates and all."

"As intuitive as that may seem at first thought," alternate Koizumi began, "would you believe even though he is eccentric, that a rational and healthy male teenager would wish for a boy over a cute girl like Kyonko?"

I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to acknowledge that indirect insult with a response, no matter how unintentional it was.

To my dismay however, my lack of a response had actually ended up serving as one for her now obviously rhetorical question.

"It's a shame that such a handsome and smart boy like you needs to learn so much about the female mind."

Another dangerous comment escapes from her lips in the form of a sigh as I now notice that our chairs are actually closer than they originally were. Really now, does my Counterpart have so much to deal with on a daily basis, or am I being treated this way just because I'm from another universe!?

At the very last moment, I'm saved by the sound of a ring tone, which emanated from female Koizumi's skirt pocket. It's a shrill quick tempo of beats that I wouldn't doubt was a theme song for an anime or something.

"This is Koizumi speaking." The matter of the call itself brings out my more curious side as she glances toward me several times throughout, but more importantly that predatory smile of hers has disappeared and replaced with a semi-serious look. "Yes, I understand." She nodded before hanging up.

By now tall Nagato had already returned to his seat in the corner and by extension returned to reading his book while Butler/Host Asahina was already collecting our empty tea cups to wash.

Glancing at the clock on the wall, I'm surprised that the alternate Suzumiya hasn't shown up for his own Brigade meeting, but at the same time, it's a bit of a reprieve. I've had enough of a culture shock with seeing the alternates of just three people.

My head would undoubtedly explode if I met my alternate parents or sister, or God forbid alternate Taniguchi or Kunikida. With everything turned upside down for me, Koizumi's hand on my shoulder managed to bring me back to my senses.

Standing up next to my chair, the long haired girl was already wearing her polite smile again. "Why don't we take a walk?" With that wink added as a good measure, how could I say no?

--

Following alternate Koizumi's lead, we hadn't even walked a few feet past the school gates before stopping.

"Is something wrong?" I ask more to try to satisfy my own anxiousness than anything else.

"Well, yes and no." Looking back over her shoulder, my guide gave a nervous grin, which didn't help my anxiety at all. Lifting her hand up to her eye level, the female esper seemed hesitant at first, but then managed to press against what seemed to be an invisible wall, or even possibly glass.

"Just as I feared; It's already spread this far."

Without further explaining her words, she grabbed my hand with hers and pulled me through to a familiar drab gray feeling.

"Closed Space."

"Indeed." She confirmed my suspicions before walking forward again. "However, this is no ordinary Closed Space."

That's redundant, to say the least. There's nothing ordinary with Closed Spaces in the first place, so why should one be any different that any other?

"I see what you mean, but trust me when I say that this may be the only one of its kind…at the moment, at least."

Curious after hearing this, I found my gaze suddenly attracted to the monotonous gray environment around us. The sky was overcast and unmoving above an empty and lifeless city. The scattered driverless cars left on the streets brought a chill to my spine whenever I looked at them and the sidewalks were bare of pedestrians. There wasn't even any wind to give the false sense of movement in this dead area.

I continued to follow closely behind my guide, who kept to the main roads as she led us farther and farther toward the interior of the city. We walked through the park, past the bench where I met with Yuki and Mikuru on different occasions, though both were related to Haruhi.

We passed by the train station where the Brigade would meet up for our city-wide searches, and I even recognized a few of the houses that the Brigade had visited for cases, as well as several spots where we shot for our movie. While I was enraptured that we were literally strolling down memory lane, it was then that Koizumi decided to speak up again.

"Tell me, Kyon…" she began, without so much as looking back toward me as she spoke. "How do you think your Suzumiya thinks of you?"

"That was a bit out of left field, don't you think?" I really hope that she was able to sense my disapproval from the tone of voice.

"My question pertains with our current situation, I assure you." She glanced back toward me with a smile this time, before turning to look ahead again. "If you don't understand it by now, then who knows _what _may happen next time…"

Are you saying that this is all somehow my fault? It was Haruhi who made the wish, not me! I couldn't help but ignore her talking as Koizumi began to explain that I should be more wary of Haruhi's god status, and that I should be more careful of how to treat her. But what's there to understand?

What's so bad about treating Haruhi like she was a normal person? Sure, she's got her eccentricities, but so what?

It's not like she was born that way, or at least, that's the conclusion that I've come up with...well I mean, I guess she _could_ have been born with that egotistical, demanding, bossy demeanor or developed it at an early age, but her motivations were made very clear to me about a day before the last time I found myself in Closed Space.

That feeling of loneliness that was in her voice, the diluted look in her eyes that could only stem from pure melancholy. I can definitely understand that sense of insignificance, if only because I used to feel like that myself before I, you know, stopped believing in the unbelievable.

I simply accepted my triviality and went along with the flow, coasting through life with as little conflict as I could. That lasted quite a while (at least, until I met Haruhi).

I never could have imagined, on the first day of high school, that I would be dragged around against my will, forcibly hijack a legitimate school club, be involved in sexual harassment, blackmail, more sexual harassment, be stabbed (at), run for my life from giant beings, go back in time, wake up in another reality, be stabbed (again) and so much more…and really, despite all of my complaints, I learned that I wouldn't have it any other way. In fact, I chose this life and I chose to go along with that strange girl.

Her sheer sense of determination, meanwhile, as tiring as it is most of the time, is awe inspiring.

"Hmm, you're getting there, but you've still got a little while to go until you really figure it out."

We had apparently stopped walking and when I got my bearings, I realized that we were around the exact center of the city. Walking all the way from the school, wouldn't that have taken more than an hour to do? To be honest though, my attention was taken up more by the vague hint to some unknown riddle that the girl standing in front of me has just revealed.

But to be honest, I'm only more confused than before. "Could you try to just say what you mean for once?"

There was a bit of silence until she glanced back at me.

We just looked at each other as though there was an undeclared staring contest between us, until I gave up and had to wipe my watery eyes. When I open them, Koizumi had her hand resting on my shoulder and her arm supporting me up.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, I blacked out for a second when Koizumi jumped in to keep me up, until I managed to get my balance back. After stepping back to what I assumed was to give me some breathing room she gave me a smile, and I was surprised to see that this was different than the everyday plastic one I was used to seeing; this one seemed to be genuine.

She sighed. "It seems that it's already started. We'll have to hurry up before it becomes permanent." Her smile lessened to a sad grin while her attention moved away from my direction once again.

What's started? What are you talking about, Koizumi?

Brushing her hand through her layered hair, she turned her eyes upward as the ground around me began to shake. It was irregular and sputtered at random intervals, definitely not how an earthquake was.

Trust me; being Japanese, I'd know what an earthquake feels like.

The shaking grew louder and louder in slow increments, like a stereo with its bass far beyond its full knob capability. It was almost as if it were turned around three times what a bass should feel like.

"They're almost like…" I chanced to guess as I was nearly knocked off balance with each shake that astoundingly did not rupture the streets or buildings into rubble. "…footst-"

The tall building ten meters or so ahead of us exploded outwards, tumbling down with the plume of smoke and debris onto the empty street below. An eerie illumination was then cast upon everything around me, as the towering giant of what was known as a Shinjin appeared.

The very manifestations of Suzumiya's frustration, the lumbering Being was too preoccupied with destroying the peripheral buildings than to notice a small human like me. In fact, looking up, it was impossible not to see one of its towering legs lifting up and bringing its giant feet above me as it stepped forward.

Since I was only a normal human, don't expect me to have super reflexes or any kind of super strength. No, I could only shut my eyes and aim my face away, as I definitely did not want to have the bottom of a foot to be the last thing that I see. Expecting to be a splat on the ground, I was of course relieved and surprised to only have a blast of wind knock me onto my ass instead.

"You're a lucky one, aren't you?" an unfamiliar voice prompted me to open my eyes and see a red large orb descend to the ground near me. "But I'm glad to see that you're safe." The light slowly faded to reveal a young man, who looked more or less my age. Though I didn't recognize him, he seemed to know me, and he was also wearing the male North High Uniform as well.

"Koizumi, wait up, damn it!" Running toward us was a small girl, also apparently a North High student. I immediately felt my face flush at the sight of her, as if some cosmic entity was taunting me by sending her here.

Seriously, what are the chances that a girl would randomly appear in Closed Space wearing a ponytail!?

Stopping to catch her breath right near me, the girl immediately ignored her obvious fatigue to tackle me without warning. "Kyon!"

I felt as though the back of my head crashed against the ground, but when I opened my eyes, I realized that I was stumbling backwards, and I nearly fell over thanks to this stupid Doppelganger of mine.

My face is red hot from our proximity, and given this Freudian situation, I hurriedly pushed her off of me for both of our sakes. "What are you doing here?" the words escape from my mouth before my mind registers the identity of the two arrivals.

"He led me through here." She directed her gaze toward the ever present Itsuki Koizumi who stood there quietly staring at me in his usual creepy manner. Wait a minute, did he see my reaction to my ponytailed Counterpart!?

He sure as hell better not have!

"I saw nothing of the like." He answered in a cool manner with that fake plastic smile adorning his face. It was the sudden yelp coming from my left though that garnered my attention away from him.

It was Koizumi's Counterpart tackling my Counterpart very much like how I was greeted just a moment ago. However my ponytailed self didn't seem to enjoy it.

Oh, how do I enjoy sweet Karma when it _isn't_ biting me in the ass.

"Oh little Kyonko, how I missed you so!" the other girl said endearingly, actually more in a teasing manner.

"Get...off…me!"

"They seem quite close." I practically feel Koizumi breathe against the back of my neck and following my survival instincts, I take a wary step away from him.

The hell you're doing that to me.

"I never would have thought that you could make such jokes." Showing an even faker smile to probably make me more uncomfortable, I decide to clear up some of my confusions while I have the chance. For example:

"How did you know that we would be here?"

"I could say it was all planned out," he began, the usual type of introduction I should have realized would lead to some sort of long drawn out soliloquy of an answer, "but suffice it to say, it was simply intuition."

What? That's it? I'm suspicious, now. Are you really Koizumi?

"I will let you off from my answer for today, Kyon, since you've been through so much already."

Despite my complaining, I was honestly happy that I was finally able to see a familiar face. Two if you counted my Counterpart, actually.

"It's good to see you, again." The small pony-tailed girl said while struggling against the very affectionate esper practically suffocating her. "You wouldn't believe how crazy Haruhi went when you suddenly disappeared. I had to tell her that you skipped the meeting in order to go study for exams. She had to vent on Mikuru though, sorry."

Predictable Haruhi. "Well you won't believe this, but apparently for the last few days you've been out on a family vaca-"

A soft rumble crawled through the ground under us, stopping me mid-sentence. It was then a few seconds later that a second rumble sounded out before an explosion quite a distance away from us erupted. Like an eerie moon rising over the horizon, another Shinjin appeared to swing its lanky arms against skyscrapers and tall buildings. Even as that happened though, the sky-like dome above us began to crack.

"It seems that we've run out of time." The Koizumi next to me said in a calm manner.

Like glass, the pieces of ceiling that shattered revealed parts of the night sky and some dimmed lights beyond it.

"Run out of time? We're we too late? Is it the end of the world?"

"Kyon!" My head jerks toward the girls standing opposite of us as the fake darkness of the Closed Space soon began to illuminate and sound began to filter in again. My Counterpart struggled to get out of alternate Koizumi's grasp, as though she were purposely being held back. I hear her yell out against the growing background of traffic, but am unable to hear the whole message. "…to study!"

I couldn't laugh, much less make any sort of response to Kyonko's desperate last words to me. In a single blink, the wayward Shinjin had disappeared and the destroyed city block around us had reformed; the two girls had vanished amongst the late night crowd of people.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** About two or three times longer than I normally write, this epic finale had been on my mind since I started with the first chapter. I tried a number of ways to divide this up into two but every iteration just irked me. Final explanations will be left for the epilogue, since there are still a few unanswered questions I'm sure you readers are anxious to know.

Despite the modest amount of reviews (the most visible sign of readership for most) I kept on writing this story not only because I actually wanted to finish one up for once, but because of the hit/visitor count I painstakingly obsessed over as I wrote and posted each chapter. The amount of faves and watches I got also cheered me up, not to mention the amount of Kyonko/genderbend fics that have popped up on the site since I started this story in what, 2008? I can't really use "enjoyment" as a reason anymore because really, I wouldn't write anything if I didn't like to do so; my only problem is that I never finish up my ideas, which explains the many stories on my profile that I've left in limbo...

In terms of the story itself, I intend to answer each and every question raised through this fic, whether in the epilogue or an extra submission (hint hint)


	6. Epilogue

Crispin Freeman is my waifu

* * *

**Epilogue**

What felt like years up to this point was actually only a couple of days since the end of my whole alternate dimension traveling adventure.

As usual, the SOS Brigade that composed of an ESPer, a time traveler, an alien and myself were sitting around in the Literature Club's room like it was ours.

The amount of stuff that filled the shelves made it seem like ours, and the paper sign that was placed just above the door in the hallways said it was ours, but no matter how we rationalized it, this room would still legally belong to the Literature Club.

We were all sitting around the table, Koizumi, Ms. Asahina and myself, while Nagato sat comfortably in her little corner of hers, reading a book.

The three of us meanwhile were tired from; you guessed it…our tests.

"I hope I managed to get a good score…" the fair Ms. Asahina sighed with trepidation.

It was a completely unnecessary worry, since we all knew how book-smart our senior was. Not to mention how, being from the future, the apex of the current time's math and science were probably considered elementary to her. Unless that is, if certain new discoveries completely changed the nature of mathematics and science so everything that we knew was completely different than what she knew…

"That's Classified Information, unfortunately…" the fairy-like Mikuru offered only a smile in response while shrugging her small shoulders.

"I'm quite confident that you did well, Ms. Asahina." Koizumi gave her his assurance and his own smile before looking toward me. "And I'm sure you did too, Kyon."

Gee, thanks.

In all honesty, it would have been impossible to do badly on the tests considering how the time studying leading up to them was.

It was horrific and painful, to be more specific.

I was mostly sticking to my room since SOS Brigade activities were put on hold, but thinking I was in the clear, Haruhi decided to drop in at my house to make sure I was studying personally.

At the end of each tutoring session I simply wanted to cry from how harsh an instructor Haruhi was while she repeatedly stated that she was the same with the rest of the Brigade members.

Which I doubt was true, since Yuki definitely wouldn't need a tutor and I knew that Koizumi and Ms. Asahina were smart too.

So, for the week leading up to the test Haruhi would come over in the evening after she made her rounds to the others' houses and hammer the subjects into me. Though there was no way I could get into contact with any of the others since no one picked up when I tried to call them when Haruhi wasn't looking.

She was polite and even nice toward my parents, while my sister loved hanging out with her anyways. But of course, I got the stick while the rest of my family got the carrot.

Did she act the same way for the others' families while at Mikuru and Koizumi's houses?

Our attention and peaceful lives were stolen as Haruhi barged through the door like always.

In her hands were a number of plastic and paper bags. A few of them looked like the type that one would get from the dry-cleaners while the rest were the classic grocery-type. With a few huffs she made her way toward the table and dumped the bags onto the table where we sat.

"Haruhi, I don't think Ms. Asahina needs this many costumes…"

"EH? Th-they're all costumes?" Shivering like someone just threw a bucket of water over her the small girl shot a glance at anyone who looked back in an effort to get a confirmation.

Haruhi, who rolled her shoulders and tilted her head in a few directions to stretch her neck, ignored the poor girl's question and instead stared straight at me for a moment before looking away.

"I was just thinking…" she began in that tone she used before she declared something. "What do you think is the cause of war in the world?"

What? Haruhi, way too deep for a highschooler!

"Well, there are a number of reasons…" Koizumi looked toward his glorious leader and answered as though she were really looking for an answer from us. It was obvious that he knew that it was a rhetorical question. But being the suck-up that he was, well, he really seemed to me to be the type who would ask if the class had homework minutes before school would end for Golden Week. "It can be because of differences in religion, scarcity of resources or even unfair distribution of wealth."

"Yes, yes, all very good answers, Itsuki…" Haruhi nodded in approval and she crossed her arms over her chest. "But most importantly is that people don't really understand each other, so there's no trust in the world!"

No, people just don't understand you. Heck, I've spent _how_ many months with you in school and I'm _still_ baffled by how you act sometimes!

"Shut up, Kyon! Honestly!" Throwing one of the plastic bags closest to her at me, the sound of ruffling gave way to bright colored clothing tumbling out of the bag in my lap.

"Are these girl's clothes?" Inspecting what appeared to be a large woman's sweater, I could only raise an eyebrow at the other pieces of clothing that were obviously too big to be worn by either Haruhi or Mikuru, not to mention Yuki.

"Yes they are, Kyon." Following suit, Haruhi tossed the remaining bags toward Koizumi and Mikuru in a gentler manner for them to ruffle through and take the clothes or boxes of shoes out. Haruhi meanwhile took the dry cleaning bags and hung them on the nearby costume rack. Unzipping the two bags, she revealed a pair of suits. "Ta dah!" She beamed with pride and quickly rushed back toward the table to help unpack the bags that remained.

All in all, there were two men's wigs, two girl's wigs, makeup, a woman's sweater, a pair of jeans, two knee-length skirts, a woman's blouse, stockings, a pair of sneakers, two pairs of loafers and two pairs of women's shoes and others that I didn't really pay attention to.

"It's become obvious to me that people don't really understand others, and as sad as it sounds, I think the same can be said for us!" Haruhi began.

That still doesn't explain the clothes…

"Well, like for example, how I don't really get what it's like to be a guy while you Kyon, _obviously_ don't understand a girl's way of thinking!"

"Ah, so what you're saying is that you want us all to try 'walking in another person's shoes', but in the literal sense?"

"That's right, Itsuki! That's a great guess!" Haruhi's face lit up from her number 2's usual spot-on intuition.

"It's very important that as members of the SOS Brigade, we can understand others in order to solve their problems as well as get that much closer to world peace!"

You mean in order for the SOS Brigade to conquer the world, right?

"No Kyon! I mean like if someone needs rescuing or doesn't want to be misunderstood! Like if they're from another country or something! Now, let's see…I got girl's clothes for Itsuki and Kyon, as well as wigs and make up, too! For me and Yuki we have suits and fake moustaches…Mikuru, you're going to have to wear looser boy's clothes because your boobs are so big!"

"EH?" Mikuru's face predictably turned as red as the women's blouse that I now currently held in my hands, causing me to jump to my feet as the small girl shivered in embarrassment and looked away from us boys.

"Haruhi, please enough with that kind of sexual harassment, already! And the hell I'm going to dress up in drag! What does this have to do with understanding others? Couldn't you just ask what they like?"

Midway applying the fake men's moustache just above her upper lip, Haruhi had brushed her hair back and removed her orange headband and put on a net to keep her hair tight to her head in order to put on the men's wig. She glanced toward me and pretty much ignored my anger as she fixed the fake moustache on her face.

Standing up as well, (fake moustache) Haruhi pointed toward Itsuki who happily put on a long and wavy brunette colored wig. "Itsuki can be Koizumi Itsuki ( ), Yuki can be Nagato Yuuki, Mikuru can be Asahina Mitsuru, I'll be Suzumiya Haruhiko and you can be…Kyonko!"

"Please don't ignore me…" I could only sigh as Haruhi rushed over to apply a moustache to Yuki's face while she continued to read.

"Oh come on, Kyonko, lighten up!" she answered in a baritone, "you wouldn't want to get wrinkles from frowning too much! You should be cheerful that you got good scores on the tests!"

"Tsk, I'll frown if I want to and—hold up…you know our scores?"

"Well yeah!" Finished applying makeup on an embarrassed-looking Koizumi, Haruhi stood right in front of me, stupid moustache and all. "I bet that Student Council President that the SOS Brigade would ace the exams in exchange for official recognition of the SOS Brigade." Her smile was wide and toothy and proud of the fact.

"Why didn't you just tell us about the bet? I would've tried harder if those kinds of stakes were on the line…I guess…"

Haruhi's eyes grew wide in surprise and her hazel orbs glanced away for a moment. She also hid her face under her wig and stupid moustache for a bit. "Geez…" her voice sounded shaky and broke out of her baritone voice from before. "It's because…I didn't want to put any undue pressure and have you choke! It would've been troublesome if you didn't continue on to the next grade with the rest of us…why else would I come over to your house all those times…?"

"Is that really the reason?" I couldn't help but grin at her excuse. In retaliation, Haruhi suddenly planted the second girl's wig and snapped a picture from a camera tucked in her uniform skirt.

"_Now what was that for?_" It was my turn to stare at Haruhi with wide eyes.

Putting away her camera, the girl in drag smirked while looking at me. "Well obviously it's because I've wanted to see what you'd look like as a girl, remember? Now, if you don't want me to spread that picture, I want you to do your utmost best as a member of the SOS Brigade next school term as well, ok?"

Offering that confident smirk of her like always, Haruhi turned her attention onto Mikuru next, much to her dismay.

I could only shake my head in wonder, doubting that even if I walked one hundred miles in her shoes I would ever understand what that girl was thinking.

Maybe a certain Counterpart of mine could explain, but…that's a story for another day…

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**Author's Notes:** I feel like this subtle end is good way to stop, what do you guys think?

Thanks for waiting all this time, I lost interest for a bit but regained it after watching the "Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya" English dub. I don't think there's really anything else that needs tying up, but please PM or review if you still have questions!

It was a bit startling to re-read through the previous chapters and see how my writing style has changed between this and my current works. I hope those of you who reviewed before get to read this chapter and enjoy it as something worth the wait. Well, back to getting my degree!


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